“It is my mouth and I can say whatever I please.” Nelly blurted out. “Don’t take my quietness as cowardice,” retorted Lola. Nelly and Lola kept exchanging words; some not so pleasant for what seems like eternity. Efe walked in a couple of minutes later and watched Nelly and Lola tear each other apart with their words like ferocious lionesses.
You know what? So many of us have found ourselves in a situation like the one described above at one time or the other. At the end of the day, we find out that will have expended our energy for no reasonable course. Have you heard or seen anyone given a medal for perfecting the art of not Listening? Anyway, I am yet to meet such a being. Like any other art, Listening is a skill that needs to be carefully learnt. It becomes more difficult when you are feeling unhappy or irritated. Nelly and Lola in the preceding paragraph exemplify this.
Everyone desire to be heard. We yearn for someone to listen to us. But, sometimes we fail to realise that others also desire that we listen to them. How then can we tie this loose ends? How do we begin to learn the art of Listening? It isn’t as difficult as it seems. We should start by first learning the art of listening to one’s self. Listening to yourself entails carefully thinking through a word or a sentence before uttering it. Ask yourself, will I love to be address this way? Is this word I am about to utter capable of creating and inflicting pain on others? What do I stand to benefit from this utterance?
Furthermore, practise the art of listening to nature. By nature, I mean your natural environment. You can sit or stand for some minutes listening to sound of wind from trees, or sound of running waters. As you do this, you gradually perfect the art of listening to yourself. Taking this a step further, you can equally practise the art of meditation (deep thinking). Meditating will help to strengthen your inner faculty (mind). Listening to yourself helps in developing a good perception about yourself and others. Irrespective of your personality trait, the art of listening to yourself is worth learning.
Now, let’s practise the art of listening to others too. It is important to state that, paying careful attention (listening) to others when they speak is a sign of respect for them. Though, it may be sometime difficult to listen when you are hurting and having an argument like Nelly and Lola in Paragraph one of this discuss; it is still possible to learn the art. Below are a few tips:
- Reduce the number of words and sentences you make as you speak!
- Reduce Interjections! Allow others to speak without interrupting them.
- Focus on the subject of discussion!
- Walk/pace around if annoyed.
- Make eye contact with the person speaking (that is, look at the person).
- Don’t forget to use the Magic Words (Please, excuse me, thank you, sorry and pardon me).
Time to start learning the art of listening is NOW. Yes! We can do this!
Joy Obehi-Ayemhere