Funmi straightened her skirt as she walked out. She felt the nagging feeling of guilt ripped her heart apart into two equal halves. She loved it; the attention, the hand holding, the gentle kisses on her lips, her neck, her breast….oh that felt so good! How can something that felt so good be so wrong? She loved Dayo and from the way he seemed to never get enough of her, she knew he loved her as well. Besides, everybody was getting laid this days. The other day, Ngozi called her old school, ‘goody two shoes’ and other unprintable names she didn’t really like.
As she opened her room door and leaned against the door, she cried her heart out. She had lied to her mum, her best friend, about her whereabouts. Deep down in her heart, she didn’t want to live like this. But what choices does a young girl of her age have?
Pause right there for a second…let’s see what the Bible says;
“Dear friends, if bad companions tempt you, don’t go along with them…” Proverbs 1:10 (MSG)
Life is all about decisions. Think about it. We constantly have to make decisions both small and great. Our lives are largely an outcome of our decisions. Think about it for one moment. If you were given a clear picture of what your life would be like, of course it would have been a whole lot easier to make these decisions. But that’s not the way it works.
I know I had a hard time myself making all these choices; who to be with, my friends, what to read, what to watch, what to listen, how to dress, what to study, how to conduct my life, who to marry, and all the other adult and important decisions I had to make. So here’s a bit of advice that worked for me;
- Identity: Start with defining who you are, what kind of relationship you want to maintain with GOD (this one’s important), who you want to be in 5, 10, 20 and yes 50 years to come. This automatically crosses out some decisions such as friends, what to do with my self-etc.
- Mission: It’s not too early to write out what you want your life’s mission (and vision) to be about
- Build structures: Set basic ground rules that are in tandem with your identity and mission. For instance, if you want to be a doctor by 24, you definitely have to consciously sift out some friends who prefer to just go with the flow, you might want to rethink intimate relationships that may lead to complications like sex and a baby plus abortion these days are getting riskier by the day!
These three blocks help to shape the quality of your decisions. You are wide awake, not starry-eyed, you just don’t go with the flow, and you become the flow because you know exactly what you want. This way, saying “No” becomes easier plus people around you get used to you, you attract people like you and life becomes a whole lot easier for you.
You see, saying NO is not such a big deal after all!
Marvy Okoro